1) If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.
2) I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
3) Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
4) Take my advice — I'm not using it.
5) My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
6) Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
7) Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
8) Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.