“I changed all my passwords to 'Incorrect.' So whenever I forget, it will tell me "Your password is incorrect."
“I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.”
“I've come to realize that I don't have a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”
“A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's because she changes it more often.”
“I appreciate it when a Democrat at least gets their facts straight before they begin distorting them.”
“We are here on Earth to help others, what the others are here for I don't have a clue.”
"If you could kick someone in the pants for causing most of your trouble, you wouldn't be able to sit for a month." - Teddy Roosevelt
“A report just came out that verified that every dead person who voted was a Democrat.”
“Don’t do something permanently stupid just because you’re temporarily upset.”
“The reason I have a police scanner is I like to keep up with what my relatives are doing.”
“A friend of mine said that onions are the only food that can make you cry. To be a devil's advocate, I threw a coconut at his face.”
“Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.”
“Sometimes we just need to get our bodies moving then our hearts and minds will follow.”
“I knew I was in trouble while trying out for the high school baseball team, when the coach asked me if I was sure I wasn't left handed."